do you think my past if following me (anxiety/OCD)?I know it's kind of dangerous to get diagnosed by others online, and self diagnose through the internet, but I'm just asking you what you think this sound like, cause I don't wanna pay a lot to see a shrink if I don't really have a problem. I'm gonna try to keep it short, but I'm gonna have to tell you some of my history with having anxiety problems.
WARNING: if you don't feel like reading my story, and don't wanna read a lot, just read the last paragraph
So my childhood has been pretty painful. I developed OCD when I was around 10. And around 12 things got crazy, and I couldn't sleep in my own bed because I found insects in my room sometimes, and started getting anxiety from them. Crying, panicking etc. So I turned 13, and by that time, I couldn't even be in my own house. I had at least 3 meetings with different psychologists a week, and at the same time hide all of this mess from my friends, AND fighting with my parents. Because they didn't understand me, and my disorder, and they didn't want to, because I guess they didn't want to have a kid with a mental illness. So I had to move, and I stayed several places, not foster care, but institutions for kids with problems, other family members, hotels (with my dad) and at the end, rehab. That was the hardest time, just facing the fact that you are 13 years old and alone in rehab. Days were spent with super strict supervision, not being allowed to take a foot outside without an adult etc. And talking to doctors of course. It was awful. The first week, I was in rehab on my own terms, like I wasn't forced to go, but on one condition though, that I would only stay there one week. That promise was a promise they did not keep, because after that one week, I was prepared to get out of there, but they had their own planes. They wanted me to stay there til I decided to go home to my own house, but I couldn't do that, because number one, I had anxiety just being there, two, I hated my mom, three, so many bad memories of yelling, crying, trying to commit suicide (yes). so the second week I basically got a lawyer, to try to get out, because I was forced to stay in rehab. I did not win the case, because even though the people took my side, they didn't have anywhere to send me. But somehow, rehab did make me better, and I did manage to go home. And things turned out good actually, I still have a crappy relationship with my parents, but I'm surviving here. And I don't see any insects anymore, and things are just... good. And my OCD is gone!
But I feel like this dark past somehow always follows me. During the awful time of my life, when I was 13, I wasn't like other kids/teens who went through bad stuff home, I didn't listen to emo music, and turn all emo and dark, and wore black clothes. I was like I'd ALWAYS been, and I when I was at school, I had fun with my friends, and just put on this mask all the time. And I see a lot of people going through bad times complaining on facebook/twitter about it. like... "fml" etc. I didn't tell one soul about my problems, and I've hidden all this for so long. Do you think that had done something with me in a negative way? Do you think that it can have an affect on me today? I'm 15 turning 16 btw. I feel like my anxiety disorder might not be gone, because I can feel it sometimes. Like I'm a very out going person and I'm not the shy one around my friends, but I have this things always caring about what people think of me. And I always think that no one likes me, and if I'm with people I don't know very well, I get very nervous, and I can literally start shaking and stuff. I feel my heart racing and I just get very uncomfortable! I don't know what this is... and I also have a problem with depression, I get very very depressed very often. I can pretend I'm sick to my friends, and in a holiday just lay in my bed for two weeks straight, feeling sad. And I also have a self-image problem. People tell me I look good and don't need to have these thoughts, but I feel like the ugliest person in the world, and really want plastic surgery. And I use so unbelievably much time doing my makeup, hair etc. And I always feel stressed out, like if there's a lot going on at school, I can start crying, and shaking, and just feel like I'm going to die.
Is all this normal? or do you think I should go talk to someone, like a shrink. Because I think that I might not have completely cured my anxiety disorder(if that's even possible) I feel like my past might be following me, and that I'm now facing things with my anxiety disorder, but just with other things, and on another level of anxiety (thank god)
thanks for taking the time, and thanks for answers! HIGHLY APPRECIATED
Professor Bradley
You state you have anxiety with your image and perhaps your self esteem. Your lacking energy of being around people during your days off of school. You pretend to be sick around your friends. One can never completely cure one self of OCD,it's with you for life. You may be able to suppress the symptoms. I know because I suffer from OCD and anxiety. You really need to speak to some professional about your problems. I know I've had issues with my past and I was not able to come to terms with them. You don't have to live a life of anxiety or symptoms of OCD. You perhaps need to be on some medication top control the symptoms. Anafanil is a good medicine for OCD. please speak with a psychiatrist for your mental health and have regular visits with a psychologist or counselor at school. You are living a life that's controlled by your anxiety/ocd. You can live a more balanced life, with control of your symptoms. You need to let go of your past,all the bad things that have happened. You are so yound, you have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on the good things, like your future, how you can control it. Think of college, meeting your future mate, landing your dream job. But let go of the negative things that are bringing you down. I hope you do these things and you succeed well.
Cris Davis
Many people do not have the slightest inkling as to what their past has to do with their present and their future. Well, for people with anxiety disorders in their lives, the situation is slightly more complicated as there needs to be more work done in deciphering the past situation and what it might have to do with the person's future.
What does the past have to do with the person's future and most certainly his present? Well, you will find that it matters a great deal. What you have undergone in the past will determine who you are in the future and it has most certainly determined who you are now.
While many people would downplay the importance of their past in shaping their future and they themselves, evidence shows that who we are is largely products of our environment. Anxiety sufferers have a certain responsibility to bear for the situation that they are in today but it is also a part of the past environment that causes many anxiety sufferers to suffer debilitating anxiety attacks today.
It might have been something in the past that triggered the anxiety in their life. A bad comment, a negative evaluation of them, or some tragic event that triggered the "anxiety gene" to suddenly come into play in many people's lives today. Their anxiety can also be said to be the product of the environment that they were once in and which contributed to the person who they are today.
The relationship between the past and the present for many anxiety sufferers is definitely more real than it actually seems. By looking back into your past, you might also be able to find the clues to the debilitating anxiety that you suffer today in your life. The past might also provide the clues as to what you need in your life currently to restore yourself to normal.
I hope this helps you out. This site helped me out. http://cure-for-anxiety-attacks.com/
Orignal From: do you think my past if following me (anxiety/OCD)?
No comments:
Post a Comment