the full story of me stalking a girl, i feel so much shame about it, even though i stopped?im 17 years old, i think i was a stalker,how do i get over this feeling of embarrasment over how pathetic i acted. Here is the story , I started really liking and thinking about this girl in 8th grade (2006) and i would think about her a lot. we never dated though. now i started to get a bit creepier early this year when she didnt respond to my myspace message, i flipped out and sent her like 5 more messages when she hadnt even opened the first one, i tried to IM her on facebook and then when she didnt reply i facebooked instant messaged her question marks until she told me to stop and then i didnt stop and kept trying to have a conversation with her, (i think i sent at least a couple hundred question marks), she then deleted me and i thought about it all next day with tremendous anxiety ( i then started to get really weird and planned on asking her things like "will you add me again on my birthday or christmas to make me feel better , just add me for one day and then delete me" and then i actually created a new myspace and facebook profile and asked her that ( with about a message every few hours (she wasnt my messages)) and then i made several new myspace profiles and sent her many messages (it was over 15 messages total), each message was increasingly desperate ( i told her i just wanted a friend, and begged her to add me back (such as on my bday or christmas), i asked if she would ever add me back, is it permanent , etc.) (most of those messages were a full page long ) , i also tried to show up at her job at a restaurant ( she never told me it but i knew it for months because i remembered she told someone in a facebook wall post where she worked and i remembered it because i was so obsessed with her. luckily i got lost when i rode my bike to the distant other side of town to go to her workplace and i didnt make it there. she eventually added me back. i continued to press her into responding and sending 2 or 3 messages on the same day even when she never asked me a question in any of her responses. she deleted me after about a month of this i was reading her myspace profile. she told me to stop numerous times and i didnt (when she would say "stop messaging me so often" my stomach would hurt i would feel this incredible anxiety and then i would start messaging her desperatly "but can i still message you sometimes, please, are you still my friend, please give me another chance, im sorry. can i message you only once every day " and i would send her more of these desperate messages, instant message her, etc. until she responded and if i didnt like the response i would ask more questions until i got a nice response ( i would ask "are you still my friend?" , "do you forgive me?" ,etc). on instant messaging i kept asking "are you there?" and then she got really angry and said "STOP!" and then i continued (because all my pleasure was based on her and whenever i listened to music i would think about her). when she sent me a "good" message i was happy and a bad message made me absolutely miserable (i couldnt function because i was constantly checking my email to see if she responded and trying to get her to say that she still wants to be my friend and shes not mad at me). on the happy days , i would go outside and jog at nighttime with my music, thinking about nothing but her the entire time). i even convinced myself that she will someday marry me because i thought it was "meant to be" and i thought nobody would be better for her than me. i also always shared information to her that was really weird, like i would want to tell her about various topics and hobbies that she isnt interested in but i am fascinated by such as what causes hurricanes , and i would want to tell her about stories from my young childhood , my deep dark secrets (luckily i didnt tell many of those) , etc. i would also lose sleep over "how will i marry her". after she decided to block me on myspace and then i begged her to re-add me. I looked at her profile longinly everyday. i started to send her regular email (i harrassed her by saying things like "how am i going to contact you now that you deleted me" and "can i come to your work", until she finally gave in (she just wanted me to stop) and gave me her email). i emailed her every few days using that, a month later it increased to the point that i was messaging her over 15 emails a day! (even if she responded to them, i literally felt the need to send her 15 messages a day she didnt even respond with a question or anything that would require me to write back to her ).
about a month later it escalated to the point where her mom emailed me to stop, but i continued anyway and also the girl that i was doing this to told me that this could be considered harrassment.
eventually at the peak of all this i just prayed about getting rid of this obsession
i stopped talking to her and i have stopped for 2 months now. but i still feel a lot of shame about doing what i did, what i did was very very pathetic. I dont think about her anymore.
am i a creep even though i stopped ? how do i get rid of the embarrassment
~xoxo~
You were young, you were new to the feeling of affection and you took it over board. You aren't pathetic, especially now that you realized there was a problem.
Orignal From: the full story of me stalking a girl, i feel so much shame about it, even though i stopped?
No comments:
Post a Comment