Concerned I may be developing schizophrenia?Whatever it is, I know my mental health is declining. Do I seem to be developing schizophrenia or some other type of mental disease, based on these symptoms-
- Constant mild paranoia (when outside, feeling "intuitive" that someone is going to kill me, always being on guard, I believe a basic fact of this modern world is that societies are encased by conspiracies, stemming from greed and idiocy- but rarely pure malevolence and never supernatural related)
- Intense to medium anger, disgust, fear, or anxiety when around humans besides 1 parent, and even with this person I feel these emotions. (as a result, I am more or less a recluse)
- Never feeling alone/lonely even though I have been isolated for the majority of my time for 6 months now (always feeling a sort of "presence" or being observed, without believing that an actual "personality"/person is doing the watching)
- Intense paranoia and fear at night of alien abduction, being watched by malevolent spirits or forces, fear of my soul/spirit being forced out of my body by evil creatures. THIS is what prompted me to ask this question. I've had insomnia for a bit over 1 year because of it, and also for 1+ years have had to sleep with lights on.
- Frequent murderous thoughts and fantasies, even with the only person in the world who I trust to any degree on a personal level
- Keeping a steak knife with me at home because I'm worried someone will break in. An incident that happened 1 week ago: a relative was staying over who logically I know is "safe", but I feared they would kill me so I specifically hid a steak knife under my mattress to protect myself from them
- Have had severe depression for 2 years
- Nearly constant brain-fog, feeling 'out of my body', dissociative, sort of high or drunk
- Loss of ability to concentrate for sustained periods, mixing up my words when talking or forgetting terms for simple things, losing train of thought, inability to memorize
- I feel like I'm another species of human, a special, elite sub-type.
- Very little to no desire for companionship/relationships. In the past I have believed I'm schizoid (now I ignore so-called "personality disorders")
- Terminated all relationships (except 1) within the past 2 years out of non-interest and disgust towards humans
- Frequently desired, thought of, and imagined suicide for 1 year (this ended over the past 2 months)
- My brain has frequent two-sided "autopilot" conversations that I feel like I observe, rather than participate in
- My personality type is INTJ (I say this because I suspect that I may have Asperger's syndrome instead of schizophrenia)
**I take no drugs (prescription or illegal) besides St. John's Wort daily and Albuterol for asthma. I have never done illegal drugs and have only very briefly been on depression/anxiety pills on 3 separate occasions. I have drunk wine and beer infrequently for 5 years.
Strangely, I have been eating healthier, exercising more, and learning much more during this length of time than I had when my mental health was okay/average.
I thank you in advance for your answer!
Neko Williams
it is very possible, you might want to talk about this to a GP.
DreamWeaver
You need to print this out and take it in to a doctor or therapist. No one can diagnosis you here, you NEED to get a professional opinion and professional help. I think that you sound very disturbed, and I would strongly recommend you reach out for help as soon as possible, before you do something that you will regret. Hope this helps.
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