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What can I do before it's too late? Any advice about life? *long read.?I just turned 17 in January, and I'm a guy. I've been out of school since October, and I'm trying to do online classes, but it's not working. I've been extremely depressed and demoralized about my character, anxiety attacks, and my self worth. I've been trying to go to therapy, but it's like I get in there and explain what's wrong and I can see in their eyes they're just as lost as I am. I keep going, but they seem not to be helping me, or don't know what to say.
I never really had fun in school. I had friends, and now everybody in town thinks I've dropped out, and I'm a hermit. (If anybody in my grade does even talk about me.)... I'm not so much worried about that is that I have to play this game like I'm just 'wanting to try out home school'. It's really I've had panic attacks around people at school, and it was misery at school for me. Social anxiety isn't really the word for it. I'm fine around perfect strangers, but around people I know they realize I have panic attacks, then I think they're judging me and I start being so tense in class it's like I can't function at all. I sweat, and so tense all the time, and get terrible looks. I've even compared it to feeling like my soul is gone, I have no control over myself. It feels like something is pushing me in one direction when I want to go in another. I've lost it a couple of times in class flipped my desk, or just walked out with no explanation. I got mostly A's and B's with an occasional C, and I understood everything fine.
I'm also smart (without being humble about it for a moment). I understand the whole 'relationship' games that people play at school. I can't deal with the ignorance that these kids have. They don't have to worry about anything other than "grades", f*cking, gossip, and sleeping. I'm just worried about culture, life outside of my comfort zones, and making it someplace other than places outside this town. At school I've 'dumbed it down', and kept conversations light and stupid, and then I started getting heavy about stuff and nobody understand my passion about things. Then I get looks like, "Okayyy, he's not like us. I'm kind of creeped out.". They were kind of scared of me. People tried to bully me at times, but I was so unstable everybody knew not to mess with me. I've also been told I'm, "cute"/"hot", I'm kind of stockyish built so I don't look like somebody who has this problem. I just doubt I look good too.
It's just I don't even hold school to any esteem. To where I think of 'life' and learning stuff online as a better judgment of knowledge. Which it is, but I can't focus on school at all. All I want is to succeed so bad, but I have such conflicting thoughts/interests about everything going on I can't be normal. I have such a laxed view on simple stuff, but it's the complex stuff driving me crazy. The stuff I could be doing, but I'm scared to do... I'm scared of what is out there. I can see it, but I'm scared to get at it. I think it's just the fact that I can see everything in coming at me before it happens..
What should I do? What is the best way when you're just scared of life eating you alive... what should I do to move on?
Ashlin Staat
I don't really know what to tell you man. Life gets a lot easier after school. Just work on getting ahead. It seems like maybe you are more mature then your peers and you just have to wait for the rest of the world to catch up. Making try seeing a different therapist or regular doctor and telling them about your anxiety problems. Try maybe making a list of what bothers you and why because it seems like maybe you don't really have your thoughts sorted out and thats why at times it's hard for people to understand where your coming from. You have so many things going on in your head that it's hard to verbalize your emotions. You seem intelligent. Just try to sort out what you think your problems are and then that should help you verbalize with a doctor. I really do wish you the best.
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Orignal From: What can I do before it's too late? Any advice about life? *long read.?
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