I think I have Social Anxiety and BDD... I'm really scared?Okay guys, I don't normally come out saying things like this, well, I guess that's why I'm saying it in front of an online crowd. I really need a thorough answer on this one though.
Lets start out with the BDD.
When I first came into middle school, I remember, there were a bunch of girls that I thought were hot, and a bunch of guys who I thought looked WAY better than me. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the way I looked when I first came into middle school, but apparently, the others did. Well, I live in the south "Columbia, South Carolina", and here, there's a lot of racial profiling going on. My mother is mixed with German and African American, my dad is mixed with some white, mostly black and a little indian.
I was and still am the Yellow Kid, or the Simpson, or Lemonade, or even white boy. I have an alien head I guess you can say..it's big. I'm tall and have a very skinny body. Not to mention my nose is huge and I have a bunch of pimples.
I was made fun of for those things a lot.
Every time I look in the mirror, All I see is a big headed simpson with a big *** nose, freckles, a bunch of zits and a bird chest.
I try to make myself look better, I do 60 push-ups 3 times out of the week, I brush my teeth and use whitening mouth wash 2 times a day, I run 6 miles on the treadmill 2 times a week, I take 2 showers a day, I tried to tan to make myself look darker..But the funny thing is, I can't even take off my shirt in the summer and enjoy myself because I'm so self conscious about my body. I was out looking for a summer job since I'm 15..I snuck my mother's makeup foundation and put some in a bag just to cover up my pimples, I mean, when I went into that Bi-lo, I felt like everyone was just gonna look at me, and stare at me and judge the way I looked, I had to at least cover up my pimples, you know...I don't even have the courage to ask a girl out, they have to come to me. I don't even know why these girls want to ask me out...being the way I look. My teachers and parents and elderly say I'm a handsome respectful young man, but I don't see why they don't see what I see! Sometimes I feel like "why was I born like this?" or "I wish I could have chosen what I wanted to look like before I was bought here" why couldn't I be born with the blue eyes, great hair and perfect body?
Onto the Social Anxiety
I don't have friends..period that's just me. I don't have friends because I'm afraid to go up to people and talk to them. They might judge me and say something bad about me... what if they beat me up? Yep, I don't have any conversation skills, and I practice them in the bathroom all the time.. I'm just socially awkward to be around. I won an award at school on graduation day, I was the first one to win one. When they called my name...I walked up there...with my head down looking at the ground the whole time..I can't believe I did that..in front of thousands..but I couldn't help it. When some girl comes up and talks to me and I think she's cute...I just put my head down because I can't even look at her.
I had a heart to heart with my grandmother yesterday and she told me that when these boys are out doing things with their lives, having fun and hanging out...it breaks my heart to either see you playing your little xbox 360 or ipod touch all alone trapped in a room. I want you to get out and experience some of this, because you're missing out on so much....
when she said that, it almost made me cry because she's right, my life is miserable, but at the same time, I told her "what do you want me to do?" or "I don't know why I can't make friends"...I want to make her happy because, well it hurts me to hurt her, even though I'm not doing this on purpose..I know she wants the best for her grandchildren.
Ultimately..I want the best for me, and I want to experience life the way it's supposed to be experience without all this depressing stuff..I literally sit in a room for weeks and weeks out of the summer just doing nothing, because nothing motivates me..it's enough for you to think about killing yourself!! I'm sorry if this made you sad...but I need answers...helpful ones..and don't worry, I'm thinking about showing my mother this and reccomending therapy..got anything else?
oh and not to mesion, I HAVE to photoshop every picture of me before it goes on the web to facebook or something like that
psychlover
I also think that talking to your mom and going to therapy is a good idea. Also if you have people you are somewhat friendly with, taking baby steps to do things with people and socializing would be a good first step. Play on your strengths, for example if you are good at sports, join a sports team. If you life to read, join a book club for. If you life to bowl, join league,etc. Also, just so you know most kids are insecure in middle school and get picked on or pick on others. It has more to do with that stage of life than with your appearance. High school is way better.
Good luck. I was really anxious and depressed when I was your age, but I got better with treatment. Both Social anxiety and BDD can be successfully treated in a few months with once or twice a week therapy and possibly the use of medications. It's really not something to be scared of. Anxiety disorders are so common.
And YES get therapy or at least see a therapist if you are hurting this bad. It does sound like there is something clinical going on. And it doesn't hurt to get check out. No one is going to know, so I cringe at the other person's suggestion that people are going to make fun of you more! I just don't see how that's possible. Unless you tell people or something like that. Also so many kids these days are in therapy, it's not like you'll be the only one.
Max Power
This is something that people online line CANT help with, you need to learn these skills in person talking to someone else. Your whole problem in the first place was being on the computer and not talking enough with people.
As for how you look, well it's puberty....just eat right and continue to excursive...it will eventually go away, don't worry about appearance too much it's all in the confidence. (don't get therapy, people will think you are weird and may be less prone to talk with you)
Want a suggestion on how to boost confidence?...I suggest over the summer you learn magic (card tricks) and show them to people next year..trust me, people love magic and will talk to you more and be impressed with you if you give them a reason to talk and understand you. It worked wonders with me, *everyone wanted to see my card tricks and I became super popular, once you break the ice...confidence will come and it will all fall into place!
Wish I could help you in person, but for now please learn a few tricks, it will work, I promise.
barry
Your long question left insufficient space for my usual answer, which may be viewed at: http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_6.html Part of it follows: Take the quiz at http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2… Print the result; take to a doctor, and ask for an appropriate referral. BOOKS: "Picture perfect : what you need to feel better about your body" Jill S. Zimmerman Rutledge. by Health Communications, c2007, & "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, from your bookstore, or www.amazon.com. Try the support groups, chat sites, and forums: www.bddcentral.com http://www.thebddfoundation.org/self_help/resources/resources_otherbddsites.htm & http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Battle-Bdd/221462 Also see: http://hubpages.com/hub/Improve_Your_Body_Image & http://www.wikihow.com/come-to-terms-wit... "Come-to-Terms-with-Feeling-Ug... Come to Terms-with-Feeling Ugly & www.wikihow.com/Feel-Pretty & MAKING FRIENDS. They shorten weblinks, so I provided the full text for you. Also enter "feeling ugly" in the searchbar at www.wikihow.com for more. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind.
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