Why am i so stupid and worthless?I completely hate myself. I feel stupid and guilty about things every day. I dont think ill ever understand this world enough to be considered normal. I try so hard to understand people, myself included, and i just cant figure anything out. Some things lately have really been getting me to hate myself.
I have OCD for one. And for some reason, my obsessions lately have been about my friend. I'm not gay, nor do I want to be. But I cant keep these thoughts out of my damn head. I keep obsessing over being in a relationship with him.
Here's the problem: how do I know it's OCD? Yes, it does cause me to think about many things quite a lot more than ordinary people, but what if I really am gay? I don't have anything against gay people, some of my good friends are gay and they're all really nice people. So if you're homophobic, i don't want to hear shit from you.
I like my friends just as friends. I don't want to have a relationship with the friend im obsessing over, but part of me is making me want to. I feel extremely guilty, stupid, and disgusted. I cant keep these thoughts out of my head, so ive been hurting myself lately to make the guilt a little less.
Sometimes, i feel like everything is ok and i seem like a normal person, on the inside too. Now i have a bunch of what if anxiety, like "What if my friends find out what thoughts i have? What if that one friend finds out my ocd is making me "like" him? What if one of my friends hates me so much behind my back that they want to kill me? What if everyone really hates me and is pretending to be my friend to be nice?
I kind of want to die. This wouldnt be the first time. I tried to kill myself befoere but failed. I certainly wish i was never born. Mostly because my thoughts and anxiety are taking over my life and i cant stop them, i thought i was doing a better job at holding them down but theyve got me down now.
What should i do? I just feel worthless guilty and stupid. Sometimes i hear faint voices telling me that. There like "youre stupid for thinking that. Youre worthless. Your a piece of sh*t. I think your weird." and i think back "I know". But Im not crazy, because i know those voices arent real. Their just in my head.
But what do you think i should do?
Phil
Sounds like you could be developing psychotic depression, you need to get help for that. What you described is not OCD though, so you don't have to worry about that.
Lynn Henty
a prozac type med can help, the unwanted thoughts can be crowded out with pleasant daydreams
self help books on living with OCD have useful advice
IMO psychs do more harm than good
you may have some psychosis
Dr.Pkg
Anxiety
"Cast all your anxiety on him because Jesus cares for you" (Bible)
God is bigger than all our worries and problems put together, and we must realize that if we are to have any victory in our lives. Everyone suffers with these difficulties, because the Bible teaches that temptation is "common" to mankind . We must not let Satan deceive us into thinking that all our problems are our fault, all our worries will come true, all our anger condemns us, or that all our guilt is from God. If we do sin and confess, God forgives and cleanses. We need not feel ashamed, but rather take God at His Word that He does forgive and cleanse. None of our sins are so heavy that God cannot lift them from us and throw them into the deepest sea .
So, each day, taking one step at a time, we should pray for God's Word to guide us, read or listen to God's Word, and meditate on God's Word when the problems, worries, and anxieties of life come along. The secret to giving things over to Christ is really asking Jesus to take our burden and be our Savior as well as submitting to Jesus as our Lord in day-to-day living.
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