How do I instill a "good fear" in someone when I am first meeting them without seeming like a b*tc*?

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How do I instill a "good fear" in someone when I am first meeting them without seeming like a b*tc*?So here's the story,.. I know it seems petty to me but my whole life everyone has looked at me as just a nice person that you can walk all over,.. things are changing now though. I am growing up and expecting my first child. I am currently in the situation where i will be meeting someone who i have had confrontation with over email and myspace and such. The twist is the reason this person causes me so much anxiety is they were previously in the life of my fiance as a "girlfriend",.. and she wont leave, and he wont ask her to leave. I am expecting to be meeting her sometime soon and i want to show myself as someone who is not going anywhere. Authoritative,.. regal. Just the dont mess with me look. How do i show without looking like an immature b*tc*

csucdartgirl
I would casually emphasize that she's part of the past and ask what she is doing now. I would then bombard her with details about the baby and how you and the new boyfriend are so close and excited about the new bundle of joy.

If you make it about her, she'll know she still has influence. Make it about you two and your mutual future...she's just some random person from the past.

Jen
I don't think you should even meet her in real life... at least not by yourself. She could be someone who is crazy and try to hurt you and your unborn child.

You and your boyfriend should both go and define boundaries. I have to question what is wrong with your boyfriend if he won't focus his attention on you when his ex is clearly causing his girlfriend and (I'm assuming) the mother of his child so much anxiety. Stress actually causes risk to the mother and baby in pregnancy.

Maybe part of the blame should be put on your boyfriend. If this continues to have serious effects on your life, you may want to rethink the relationship.

Phoenix -!-
Showing your confidence in yourself is probably the best way. I wouldn't even entertain the idea that this chick has any place in either of your lives. I would have ignored her from the start. I'd actually probably laugh at how pathetic she is to still be holding on. But now that you've already had your confrontations, I'd just smile and act like the war was already over, not that you're gearing up for battle. Say it's nice to meet her and now she can exit your life. I'd let her know that any further attempts to contact you will be completely ignored.

But then, people usually get the impression right off the bat that I'm not one to screw with. Don't act like you have any reason to doubt yourself. You are in control. Period.

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